A sermon I heard recently got me thinking about something I’ve carried with me for most of my life: the feeling of being on the outside.
Father Shay was talking about the Canaanite woman in Matthew 15. She was an outsider—she wasn’t part of the Jewish community—and yet she came to Jesus anyway. She approached Him, asked for help, and didn’t let the fact that she was an outsider keep her from coming to Him.
His sermon brought up a lot for me.
Because I’ve felt like an outsider for a very long time.
I remember feeling it as far back as elementary school. I wasn’t in the gifted and talented program, so I was in a different class from my friends. While they were together, I was somewhere else.
Then in high school, I wasn’t invited to parties.
At the time, those things hurt. I wanted to be included. I wanted to be part of the group.
But looking back now, I can see that some of the things I experienced as rejection were actually blessings in disguise. Not being invited to those parties put me on a path that eventually led me to Elon—and I would choose Elon over and over again.
But the feeling of being on the outside didn’t end when I graduated from high school.
As an adult, it took on a different meaning.
I wasn’t married until I was 43, and I don’t have children. For a long time, I felt like I was on the outside of a world that seemed to revolve around marriage and family.
When my brother got married and started having children in 2016 and 2017, those feelings became even stronger.
He was building his family.
My parents were getting older.
And I remember being afraid.
What about me?
Would I always be alone?
That was a real fear for me.
Then, in 2017, I found Jesus.
And slowly, that fear began to disappear.
Not overnight. Not because my circumstances suddenly changed.
But as I learned more about Jesus, I began to understand that my belonging didn’t depend on being married, having children, being invited somewhere, or fitting into someone else’s idea of what my life should look like.
I belonged to Him.
And something else slowly began to change, too.
I began to realize that not everyone is meant for marriage.
For so long, I had assumed that marriage was something everyone was supposed to have—and if I didn’t find it, something had gone wrong.
But as I learned more about Jesus, I began to see that marriage isn’t the only way to live a meaningful, purposeful, connected life.
Maybe I wasn’t behind.
Maybe my life wasn’t missing something simply because it didn’t look like everyone else’s.
And that realization brought me a freedom I hadn’t experienced before.
Then Lee came into my life in 2018, and we got married.
I am incredibly grateful for him. And yes, having Lee in my life changed many things. Some of those fears about being alone disappeared because I was no longer alone in the way I had once feared.
But here’s the thing:
Finding Jesus didn’t mean I stopped feeling like an outsider.
And getting married didn’t either.
Lee and I aren’t invited to gatherings or parties quite often.
And I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t bother me.
Sometimes it hurts.
Sometimes I still wonder, Why weren’t we invited?
Sometimes I still feel like I’m on the outside looking in.
I think that’s important to admit.
Because finding Jesus didn’t suddenly make everything easy.
I still struggle with loneliness. I still struggle with feeling left out.
The difference is that I no longer have the same fear underneath it.
I can feel lonely without believing that I am alone.
I can feel left out without believing that I don’t belong.
I know where I belong.
And just a few days ago, I had an experience that made me think about all of this in another way.
I was leaving Walgreens when a woman stopped me and asked if I could give her some cash so she could get something to eat.
I told her I’d be happy to buy her whatever she wanted and asked her to come inside with me.
She was hesitant.
She picked out one can of soup and some ramen noodles.
I asked her if that was all she wanted and told her she was welcome to get more.
She didn’t.
So I paid for her groceries, asked her name, and told her goodbye. I also told her about Help of Beaufort because she didn’t know about the food pantry.
Her name was Ashley.
And I’ve thought about her ever since.
I don’t know Ashley’s story. I don’t know how she got to that point. I don’t know what her life looks like when she’s not standing outside Walgreens asking someone for food.
But I found myself wondering:
How does Ashley feel?
Does she feel invisible?
Does she feel like an outsider?
Does she feel embarrassed to ask for help?
Does she wonder if anyone sees her?
I don’t know.
But I do know there are many different ways to be on the outside.
And sometimes, when we’re caught up in our own loneliness or disappointment, I wonder if Jesus puts someone in our path to remind us to look up and look around.
Not to make us feel guilty for what we have.
But to remind us to notice it.
And then to turn around and use what we’ve been given to bless someone else.
Maybe you’ve felt like an outsider, too.
Maybe you’re single.
Maybe you’re divorced or widowed.
Maybe you don’t have children.
Maybe your children have grown and your role has changed.
Maybe you’ve retired and lost the community that came with your work.
Maybe your friendships have changed.
Or maybe you’re surrounded by people and still feel completely alone.
I’ve been there.
And I’m still there sometimes.
But I’ve learned something I wish I had understood years ago:
Being on the outside doesn’t mean you don’t belong.
And you don’t have to wait until someone invites you in to begin creating connection.
Invite someone to coffee.
Reach out to an old friend.
Sit beside someone who is sitting alone.
Volunteer.
Buy someone a meal.
Look someone in the eye and let them know they are seen.
And maybe, for you, it means coming to Jesus.
This is the part of my story I most want you to know.
When I came to Jesus in 2017, my fear of being alone didn’t disappear immediately. It slowly began to lose its grip on me.
The more I learned about Him, the more I understood that I was never truly alone.
My circumstances didn’t become perfect.
I still get left out.
I still have moments when I feel lonely.
But underneath it all is something I didn’t have before:
I know where I belong.
If you’ve never explored a relationship with Jesus, or if you’ve been away from Him for a long time, I want to invite you to consider Him.
You don’t have to have everything figured out.
You don’t have to clean yourself up first.
You don’t have to feel like you belong first.
The Canaanite woman was an outsider.
And she came to Jesus anyway.
Maybe you’ve been feeling like you’re on the outside.
Come anyway.
And then look around.
There may be someone else who needs you to remind them that they belong, too.
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